Types Of Youngsters in Kashmir(male)

We meet various types of people everyday.Here is my list of the different types of young Kashmiris I come across everyday.

 

(1)“He’s always on Facebook” Guy:He is always on Facebook,and gives us live updates of all the happenings in his life.He thinks it’s important to tell everyone when he sleeps,wakes up,takes a bath,brushes his teeth,flushes the toilet,breaks up with his hypothetical or real girl friend,flirts with that random girl in TATA 407,buys a new pair of shoes,sandals,soap etc.He has a zillion photo albums which trace his evolution from a toddler in diapers to a modern metro-sexual male:photo’s of him in nappies,photo’s of all of his birthday bashes,photo’s of his parents’ marriage,his unwanted distant relative’s engagement,photo’s of his travels to every god-forsaken corner of Kashmir,of the random chai walla on street and every tom,dick and harry that he has ever seen or was around when he carried his digital camera or camera-enabled cell phone with him.

 

(2)The Jilted Lover:He had a break-up or was perhaps dumped eons ago,but has been mourning the loss of his mashooka since then.He wants her back and tries every trick in his kitty from growing a long beard to slitting his wrists to updating extracts from old,depressing hindi songs and depressing romantic urdu shayari on his facebook page to get her back,but nothing works for him.After repeated failed attempts he either turns into a peer-cum-mout and is found roaming around in streets of Srinagar or turns to drugs and is found snorting charas with other druggies in graveyards.

 

(3)Aashiq Aawara:He is the roadside romeo who is always found outside girls colleges,schools and tuitions.He thinks calling girl “baby” is uber-cool and enough to sweep her off her feet.He sends friend requests to every female or everyone who disguises as one on facebook along with a message in a complex,cryptic,code language.Something like this:“hi b@by,w@nn@ 2 fri3nd$hip with me”.After repeated rejections he becomes disgruntled and makes a fake female profile and adds others like him.They are then found discussing the female impostor’s vital statistics on one of his/her/its profile pictures.

 

(4) Ivory Tower Intellectual:Usually the nerd of his high school who didn’t get along with anyone and eventually found solace in the works of writers with weird names like Wittgenstein,Derrida,Heidegger,Foucault,Žižek and weirder works like History of Sexuality,Madness and Civilisation,Tractus Logico-Philosophicus et cetera.His updates are usually extracts from their works which leave others baffled and which only he and his other ivory tower intellectual friends seem to understand.Loves to discuss and criticise anything under the sun,and is usually found discussing utterly obscure philosophies like post-modernism,post-structuralism,nihilism etc.Is usually anti-capitalism and anti-technology,and hates anything mainstream and modern which according to him is crass and classless.Has very few friends,has an obscure sense of humour and either a quintessential good boy look:neatly combed hair,well trimmed beard/clean shaven,khakhi trousers and check shirts or a radical look:dishevelled hair,unkempt beard,band t-shirts,rugged jeans etc.He will go on to become a university professor(famous for his absent-mindedness),a cultural,literary critic or a prolific radical author.

 

(5)Moulvi Seb:Moulvi seb is the most interesting of all Kashmiri youngsters.He is usually an erstwhile lover boy who turned to religion because his girl friend dumped him or married someone else(genuine moulvi seb’s are a rarity and i respect them from the bottom of my heart).Moulvi seb’s facebook updates are extracts from books of Hadith,Verses of Quran and Islāmic sayings.He thinks he is the chosen one and that he has a divine license to issue fatwas.He is the moral guardian of the society,loves attacking people’s personality and challenging their integrity.From branding non-bearded muslims as heretics and prohibiting them from discussing Islam to declaring that all westerners are morally bankrupt and all western women are s**** always ready to get l***,he has done it all in the name of lord and Islam.

 

(6)Paranoid Conspiracy Nut:Highly Sceptical in nature,has no brain of his own or chooses to ignore that he has a brain,comes easily under the spell of Moulvi Seb guys and readily believes everything that they say.He thinks everything from Harry Potter Novels to Social Networking Sites is a Zionist creation and a part of their sinister New World Order game plan.His Facebook Updates are usually tirades against anything western.His favourite whipping boy’s are the soft-drink giants Pepsi(which he thinks stands for pay every penny to save Israel) and Coca Cola(La illaha illah when read in mirror).Rushes to the nearest kiryana dukan to quench his thirst after draining out all his energy to convince mohalla jawans and his friends to stop using western products and stop drinking Pepsi and Coke.

 

(7)Freedom Fighter cum Citizen Journalist:He thinks he is a true son of the soil,takes upon the task of enlightening others about the plight of his motherland,and considers social media the best and the fastest way to reach out to people all over the world.He is on the hit list of all media agencies because people learn about all the happenings in Kashmir and around the world through his updates much before the news reaches the poor TRP hungry Media Houses.He is usually found fighting with and abusing right-wing fundamentalists on NDTV’S,CNN-IBN’S and TIMES NOWS’ facebook pages.

 

(8)The Spoilt Brat:He is the good-looking rascal who gets all the pretty girls of the town which makes him the most hated and envied of all Kashmiri youngsters.He is perhaps the only guy whom the Ivory Tower Intellectual hates(because his secret crush fell for the brat).Thinks he is the hottest and the most stylish man alive and can any get girl he wants,that over use of ‘f’ word is chic and that dude is the coolest word in English language.

 

(9)The Poor Normal Guy:The poor normal guy is the least popular among all the youngsters of Kashmir.He is an everyday guy who goes to school,college,tuitions,work.He is dedicated,honest and somewhat happy with his life.His life is pretty normal,not much melodrama,the usual break up’s and make up’s,a bunch of fun-loving friends with whom he hangs out,eats out and goes on long trips every month to one of the beautiful hill stations of Kashmir.He either studies medicine or engineering or business management(recent addition),and dreams of making it big one day and living a hassle free lavish life.

 

(10)Kashur Don/Shode/Khor:Another interesting character we have in Kashmir is the Shode-cum-Don.Every area/mohallah has its own don.He likes to call himself boye(bhai),thinks other guys(usually those studying in missionary schools)are sissies and addresses them as,”hye chaklyeta”.He is usually found sipping tea or eating kashur masala or having lassi(yoghurt) in bund,lal chowk or outside famous tuition centers in hawal,soura and barzulla.Some of his favourite dialogues are:maaje henze derey ha traven ne be ye(i swear on my mother i won’t spare him),mojye mernam az kare be faan(i swear on my mother’s life i will wreak havoc today),zaal sa tyale baradar(light up a cigarette for me brother),bayis ha gov laav az(your brother fell in love today).He is always up for a fight,be it with some other shode or between any two random people on the street whom he doesn’t know,and is usually hired by all school/college guys who want to settle scores with each other or with someone who bullies them in school or hits on their girlfriend

It Happens Only In Kashmir

Kashmir,it seems,is on the brink of chaos yet again.We already saw massive protests earlier in the summers over Shopian double rape and murder case,but the government acted swiftly,imposed curfews and didn’t allow the situation to snowball into something big(like 2008).People are still angry over the Government’s failure to bring culprits to the book.Now the Government’s decision to ban pre-paid mobile connections in the valley has aggravated them further and added fuel to the fire.People rushed to recharge vendors and shops as soon as the news of banning prepaid mobile connections reached their ears.So did I.

The Recharge shop in our vicinity was abuzz with activity,reminiscent of its counterparts in shanty,cramped Indian towns and cities with zillions haggling and fighting with each other and the shop owners.I somehow made my way into the shop pushing,stamping on and bumping into people on the way,cursing the Indian government and Sheikh Abdullah–the man who put us into this mess.I felt suffocated in that small,overcrowded shop and feared for my life.What if i would there be killed here in a stampede?What would people remember me as?Recharge Shaheed?I saw many new faces and many people from my vicinity after a long time in the shop.I rubbed my eyes in disbelief on seeing one old man whom i hadn’t seen since ages and who i thought had died long time back.How on earth did he ressurrect?Was i day dreaming ?Could i see dead people?I wanted to scream at the top of my voice:I See Dead People,but fearing that the people around would take me to a mental asylum or worse to some Jinne Peer(Exorcist) i withheld my urge to do so.I finally mustered enough courage and made up my mind to step up to this “dead man walking”,shivering and reciting verses of Holy Quran on the way.While i was on my way i saw one of my friends who appeared from nowhere greeting this “dead man”.The mystery was solved.This man was actually alive.I wasn’t dreaming.I thanked my friend who came as a messiah and saved me from a probable heart attack.

I had been in the queue for a long time and was damn exhausted.I was feeling dizzy and drowsy and shut my eyes for a moment.The man standing behind me pushed me ahead.”Pakhsa broh kun,ninder chane karen yete.Gachev bedaar sanev jawanov”,he said(Move ahead Mister.You don’t have to Sleep here.Wake up from your deep slumber young guns of Kashmir).I knew what would follow:a lecture on moral degradation and waywardness of Kashmiri youth.But i cut him short and shot back angrily:”Be chus husharey jinaab.Dakke kath dyutuv?Yete kot gache?Yete ne chane hilnas sumb jaaye”(I am wide awake.Why did you push me?Where will i go?There is no room.We can’t even move our body).

I was almost near the shop owner’s desk now.I could clearly see his face.He is a jolly fellow who always wears a smile on his face.He made a killing today,but he still looked sad and worried.The prepaid mobile ban goes into effect from tomorrow .He might have to shut down his small mobile recharge shop.What will he do now?How will he feed his family?His employees will be rendered  jobless and will probably take to drugs,but does anyone care?Why should anyone care?We are all terrorists.All 38 lakh subscribers are terrorists or potential terrorists.All Kashmiris are terrorists.

Is India really a democracy?Which democracy on earth treats what it calls its own people like terrorists?Where on earth do citizens have to prove their identity everyday?Where do paramilitary forces outnumber students in colleges and universities?It happens only in Indian Occupied Kashmir.

We Don’t Need No Thoughts Control!

Tania Andrabi’s bold and daring write-up,”Don’t Geelanise Kashmir”(http://www.greaterkashmir.com/news/2009/Sep/18/don-t-geelanise-kashmir-26.asp)  has created a stir over the past few days.It is the talk of the town and has set all the tongues wagging.The writer has quite expectedly received a lot of flak for her courageous attempt.And why wouldn’t she?Reality they say bites,and it bites deep and bites hard.With Thought and Moral Police around,everything is either a “thought crime” or a “taboo”. There is no room whatsoever for freedom of speech,thought and expression in this part of the world.

It seems that we, Kashmiris, have turned our leaders into “Demi-Gods”.We just can’t take anything against them.Anyone who speaks-out against them is  a “traitor”.He can be tried for treason.It is heresy.It’s a sin of the highest order (Gunah-e-Kabir).It wouldn’t come as a surprise if our Mullahs issue a Fatwa (decree) against those who commit such a heinous crime.How dare we doubt them or criticise them or question them or advice them?? — Astagfirullah!Shame on us!

Our leaders have let us down time and again.With no one to question them,our leaders do what they like.We were mute spectators when our Bab,the Lion of Kashmir,unanimously sealed our fate way in 1947.We blindly trusted and religiously followed our Bab.We sang hymns in his praise “Ye Kare Tye Kare Bab Kare Lolo” No one dared to question Bab.His word was gospel truth.But Bab,the Pied Piper of Kashmir,deceived us and eventually lead us to doom.This muteness and blind faith in our leaders has cost us our freedom.Had we questioned our leaders and demanded accountability from them then neither Afghans,nor Mughals, Dogras,British or Indians would have been successful in enslaving us.

While brainstorming and constructive leadership are the buzz words the world over,we Kashmiris are still stuck in Stone Age. We consider our leaders as deities.Ours is a largely feudal and oligarchic society where a few families rule the roost.We need some lessons from history:”History bears testimony to the fact that all great revolutionary leaders have been ordinary men, who didn’t have a glorious past to boast of, but who rose to the dizzy heights on account of their grit, determination and courage”.Do we have such leaders?If yes,then where are they?Mr Sherlock Holmes has a job to do here:to unmask these mystery men.

Our leaders,it seems,are more interested in showing their strength and scoring political brownie points over each other rather than the welfare of their people.That is perhaps why they address large gatherings and ask people whether they acknowledge them as their sole representatives.They need to learn some lessons from great revolutionaries like Ho Chi Minh,Omar Mukhtar,Gandhi and Khomeini.These men left everyone spell-bound with their aura,their calm demeanor,their down-to-earth nature,and their humbleness.Jinnah’s charisma,Mandela’s modesty,Gandhi’s perseverance,Omar Mukhtar’s courage and Khomeini’s vision and honesty should serve as examples for our leaders.These men didn’t sit back and watch,they were in the thick of the things.They were master planners,strategists and visionaries.They didn’t shy away from accepting their faults and mistakes,they flaunted them rather.They welcomed ideas,suggestions and criticisms–from one and all.

The great auto-maker Henry Ford once said,” Coming together is a beginning, keeping together is a process, working together is a success”.Let the words of this great man inspire us to join hands,and work together for achieving  our objectives.Let us be demanding as a nation.Let us demand accountability from our leaders.We the people–being the stakeholders of Kashmir problem–have every right to criticise advice,question,suggest,and reprimand our leaders no matter what their stooges in the media say.

Time is ripe for the youth to come forward and take the lead.Let us make it clear:we don’t subscribe to age-old ideologies,we want a change.We are not the kind who would fall for the political gimmicks and “Machiavellian” tactics adopted by some of our politicos.

The time is ours–yes,the time is ours.Let us step up and take charge of the things.We are the future of this nation.Our future leader is one among us,who is most probably lying on his couch at this point of time,somewhere in this beautiful valley.It’s time for us (the youth) to wake up from our deep slumber and rescue our strife-torn nation from the clutches of slavery and oppression.This oppressed nation is waiting for its “Messiah”.Let us show the world what we are capable of. Let us show the world the power of the Kashmiri youth.

“Uqaab-e-Ruh jab bedaar hoti hai jawano mai,nazar aati hai unko apni manzil asmaano mai”  - Allama Iqbal